Sibling rivalry can take many forms, ranging from friendly inquiries about a parent’s favourite to violent fighting, punching, and biting. It’s one of the most common issues that families face, as well as a major source of parental stress.
Siblings may have very different personalities, but they are forced to live together for years and work out their differences. This is a fantastic opportunity for them to improve their communication and conflict resolution abilities. It can be extremely aggravating for both parents and children. Sibling rivalry can sometimes be a unique form of bullying that has a long-term impact on a child. Knowing how to deal with sibling rivalry can help parents provide a safe and supportive environment for all of their children, making parenting less stressful.
WHAT CAUSES RIVALRY BETWEEN SIBLINGS?
It can be difficult to live with another person. There are frequently contested possessions, and children may quarrel over limited resources. Just as some squabbling among roommates who didn’t choose each other is unavoidable, so is some conflict between siblings.
Even though most parents of multiple children report some level of sibling rivalry, the causes of this rivalry vary from family to family. Most experts believe that competition for parental love and approval is a major factor. The following are some factors that may exacerbate sibling rivalry:
- Parental favouritism, whether perceived or real.
- Temperament and personality differences.
- When a child is concerned that their younger sibling will steal their favourite blanket, they must guard their resources.
- Jealousy over parental love, such as when an older child admires the attention given to a new baby.
- Conflict resolution modelling by parents, such as if parents model an aggressive or hostile conflict resolution style.
- Lack of conflict resolution skills, as young children rarely possess the complex skills required to deal with the challenges of cohabitation.
- When parents ignore physical conflict or laugh when one child teases another, this behaviour normalises or reinforces aggression.
- Seeing your sibling as a competitor rather than a partner.
- Being a twin or multiple increases competition and increases the likelihood of parents or other adults comparing the children.
WAYS TO MANAGE SIBLING RIVALRY
Parents can take the following measures to reduce or manage sibling rivalry:
VIEW EACH SIBLING AS A UNIQUE PERSON.
Giving each child your undivided, uninterrupted, and unhurried attention regularly is one of the best ways to reduce sibling rivalry. When we see our children as distinct individuals, there is less of a need for them to compete with their siblings. The more time we spend with them, the more they believe we have enough love, time, attention, and energy to go around – there is enough for everyone!
BONDS BETWEEN SIBLINGS SHOULD BE STRENGTHENED
Another effective way to reduce sibling rivalry is to strengthen the children’s bonds with one another. Rather than focusing on their negative interactions, these games focus on building relationships in a fun and positive way.
FORM FAMILY PATTERNS THAT PREVENT SIBLING RIVALRY.
Finally, if you’re serious about dealing with sibling rivalry, it’s time to examine your reactions and responses when siblings fight. When you take the time to look for patterns, you may find that there are areas where you can improve or change things to strengthen family relationships.
AVOID COMPARISONS
Don’t make comparisons with your kids in front of them. It’s best not to point out your kids’ differences in front of them. Your child may interpret comparison as a form of criticism, leading him to believe he isn’t as good or loved as his sibling.
SET OUT RULES
Make it clear to your children that violence is not tolerated. Make it clear to your children that you will not tolerate any form of violence between them. Praise your children when they peacefully resolve their conflicts.
DON’T PUNISH IN FRONT OF SIBLINGS
Punishing one child in front of the other is not a good idea. If you need to discipline or scold your child, do so alone in a quiet, private location. If you scold him in front of another child, he may be teased.
ACKNOWLEDGE EVERYONE’S ACHIEVEMENT
Observing each child’s distinct personality and abilities. Compliment your children on all of their accomplishments, not just the ones that are important to you. An aspiring artist might be more concerned that you notice the comic book they drew than that you praise them for their academic achievements.
Key Takeaways
Putting more emphasis on a child’s feelings than on the truth of any accusations of favouritism they make. Because love is a difficult emotion to quantify, it’s nearly impossible to “prove” that you love each child equally. If you can make your child feel loved, they will be less likely to compete for your affection with their sibling.
Talking to young children and making them feel comfortable is important. This communication should be balanced between the siblings.
Also published on Medium.